Gargamel Finally Wins I
by Nigel Yearning
Summary: Yes, the title says it all but not what you think. He didn't destroyed the Smurf Village but Dopey Smurf sure met his demise. Oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

Gargamel stormed into his hovel, he was covered in soot after another failed attempt on destroying the Smurfs. Azrael crawls behind as the wizard prepares a bath, for once the cat doesn't seem to mind a bath. Once cleaned up, Gargamel put on a new black robe and sat down on his recliner as Azrael crawled beside it.

"My patience is running out Azrael," he said, hunched forward as he pinches the bridge of his nose, "I'm running out of ideas, how am I going to destroy the Smurfs? How?"

The cat remain silent, Gargamel sat back and sighed as he stares at a corner in the room. "The Smurfs knew where I live, but I don't know where they live." he noted, "I'm running out of options and I'm running out of motivation, the last thing I need is Mummy coming over and..."

The door soon knocked and Gargamel grumbled as he got up and walked towards the door, he opened it and saw his mom standing right before him. "Have you killed those Smurfs yet?" she asked.

"No, but I predicted you'll be here." said Gargamel as he steps aside for her mom to come inside. Gargamel shuts the door and he returns to he recliner, his mom sat on the nearby couch and simply just stared at him with a frown on her face.

"Do you have anymore ideas on how to destroy the Smurfs?" he asked.

"No," she said.

"It's impossible," said Gargamel, "Impossible! Those Smurfs can't rely on Stealth forever, someone should have found those Smurfs centuries ago. Why are they still hidden?"

"Probably, those who discover the Smurf Village either keep it their location to themselves or forget the location altogether." theorized his mom.

"Hrm, they must be located where no one ever suspect of them hiding at." said Gargamel, "The last I remember of the Smurf Village, it's in a clearing and it's about 11.3 square meters. Located right next to a body of water, is that body of water fresh or salt. Must be freshwater so it must be a giant lake."

"That's a good start," said his mom, "Find any lake on the maps and search for the Smurf Village that way, this knowledge will narrow down the search for the village."

"You know what, skip the village altogether." said Gargamel, "I'm not playing games any more, if I managed to get my hands on a single Smurf I'm going to snap it's neck no questions ask."

"Then tomorrow, try again."

"And that is what I'm going to do," said Gargamel, "Tomorrow, I'm going hunt down just one Smurf and kill it. Same goes for you Azrael, when you pounce on them just bite it's throat as hard as you can."

"Meow," meowed Azrael as he shows his classic evil smile.

"Excellent." said Gargamel as he fumbles with his fingers.

After his mom left, Gargamel got up and walks towards his closet. He opens it and pulls out an English Flintlock Blunderbuss and a net, the wizard fills the Blunderbuss with black powder then fills it with rusty nails he left out in the rain yesterday. "I'll give them Tetanus if I have to," laughed Gargamel, "Get a bad case of lockjaws maybe. He he he."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that were created by someone else**

**Claimer: Go to my profile to view my characters**

The sun rose from the horizon, announcing a new day. Gargamel was all set and ready for Smurf hunting, the Smurfs won't even think that he'll strike so soon after a humiliating defeat. With his Blunderbuss, long butterfly net in hand, and a rucksack in hand, he and Azrael left the hovel and head off into the woods.

It seems unlikely for him to get a smurf this soon, but he wasn't planning on catching it alive. Every time he caught a smurf, other smurfs managed to get him back. So this time, he's going to have to kill one so it's all for nothing for the smurfs.

First, Gargamel will have to locate a Smurfberry patch. Thinking that's where unfortunate smurfs might happened to gather, he opens his rucksack and pulls out a bottle full of Poison. "I'll poison them if I have to," he muttered as he stares at the tiny Smurfberry bushes.

He laced every bush with water consisting of Arsenic, Tetrodotoxin, Cyanide, and Lead. Azrael kept a lookout as Gargamel made sure every bush gets an equal dose of the stuff, the Smurfberry bushes themselves won't die but it will cause death to any smurf who eats their berries. Gargamel puts the vial away and moves on, Azrael soon follows behind.

It is quite eerie for being out into the woods on such mission, of course Gargamel has been through the woods several times but the thought of being watched bothers him greatly. He has to be careful when carrying out his plan, since the Smurfs and the woodland creatures have a close friendship with each other.

After walking half a kilometer, Gargamel lays eyes on a group of smurfs walking about on a path. Azrael knows his role as he places himself in position as Gargamel made sure that the smurfs are between him and the cat. There were only 4 Smurfs, they seemed to be talking to each other. Gargamel lays eyes on a Smurf who looks clueless, that might be Dopey Smurf. Albeit the Smurf Village Idiot.

Gargamel signaled to Azrael to strike, the two burst out of the bushes and surprised the Smurfs. Before the smurfs could do anything, Gargamel had his Blunderbuss drawn and he fired it at the Smurfs. The gun sounded like a cannon as shrapnel flies everywhere, but not a single one touched the Smurfs. But it was enough to stun them, all Gargamel needs is just one Smurf and Dopey looks promising.

Dopey was slow to react as Gargamel snatched him up before running out into the woods, the three other Smurfs were to dazed to react to the capture. "Help!" cried Dopey as he tries to struggle out of Gargamel's grasp, "Smurfing help me!"

"Shut up!" spat Gargamel as he places Dopey in a brown sack, then squeezes him with all of his might awhile running.

Azrael managed to keep the Smurfs busy long enough for Gargamel to make a clean get away, the cat soon took off and rushed out into the woods. Having no clue where Gargamel went, Azrael simply walked back to the hovel to find Gargamel leaning against the front door panting. "Well, that went off well." he mumbled as Azrael walks up to him.

"Someone help!" cried Dopey, still struggling in the brown sack.

Without saying anything and without taking Dopey out of the bag, Gargamel held the Smurf with two hands and twist the small humanoid's head in a sharp direction – which made a loud crack. Dopey Smurf stopped moving and went silent, he was eerie still. Gargamel and Azrael heads inside and shut the door before locking it, the wizard went to the kitchen where he opened the bag and dumped Dopey out onto the table.

Dopey had two Xs as eyes, the Smurf simply lie there and appears that he isn't breathing. Gargamel checks for a pulse, he didn't find any. "He's dead alright," said Gargamel, "This is a real game changer."

Gargamel isn't proud on what he done, nor is he feeling grief. He got one Smurf and killed it, with his own hands. Now he see why he hadn't done this to the Smurfs he once caught but managed to get away, he has to be quick if he's going to eat Dopey.

Azrael went outside to keep an eye out for intruding Smurfs since he knows his role all to well, Gargamel got out the cut board and places Dopey Smurf on it. With a sharp knife, he cuts Dopey's stomach open and exposes the Smurf's internal organs. He removed the digestive track, pretty much all the organs including the heart and lungs. Next he pulls off Dopey's pants and Smurf hat, and made a few interesting discoveries in the process.

"Hrm, so these Smurfs do have gentiles," said Gargamel to himself, "But I don't see any hair."

Gargamel got out a grinder and dumped Dopey's body into it, then he turns the crank on the mechanical device and grinds the Smurf up into goo. The sound of it seems sickening as he ground up Dopey until the Smurf becomes thick goo, he removes the grinder and dumps the pulverized Smurf into a pot where he is cooked on the stove.

Dopey's remains look like blue colored mashed meat, then it became a Navy Blue ground pork after being cooked. Gargamel then dumped it into a bowl, then got himself a fork. "Finally," he says as he seated himself at the table and placed the bowl of Ground Up Smurf in front of him, "Victory at last."

Gargamel took a bite out of Dopey's remains, after chewing it up for a couple of seconds he then stares outward and then puts down the fork. The Wizard rushed out to the nearby window and regurgitated out of it, Azrael managed to see the Wizard in distress as he raised his hand up. "I'm fine Azrael," he said, "Don't worry about me, yet."

He then approaches his table once again and stared at Dopey's remains in the bowl, "By god that tasted horrible," Gargamel spat, "Let's try turning him into gold."

Gargamel soon prepares the spell to make gold inside a large metal pot, then adds Dopey's ground up remains and organs into the pot. After a few seconds, the pool of liquid turned into a Greenish-black mixture that reeks of sulfur. The wizard places his sleeve over his nose as he watch the mixture of fluid solidify and formed square crystals on the top, it soon became one giant mass of something that isn't Gold.

"It looks like Pyrite," said Gargamel as he tries to stick a spoon into the pot, he ends up hitting metal and noticed how dense it is, "Fool's gold, those Alchemist lied to me!"

Not only did a Chemical Reaction took place, Gargamel learned a hard lesson that it's impossible to turn matter into something else using Chemical Reactions. In this case, spells. Dopey must have contained some Sulfur compounds which caused a Chemical Bond to the Iron of the pot, resulting in Pyrite and other compounds. Gargamel gained useless Fool's gold and lost a good pot in the process, a waste of his luck.

There was a knock on the door and Gargamel opened it, it was his mom. "So did you destroy those Smurfs yet?" she asked.

"I got one, tried to cook and eat it but it tasted horrible." explains Gargamel, "Then I tried to turn it into gold but I got FOOL'S GOLD, and now my hovel reeks of rotten eggs."

"Wow, all this for Fool's Gold then," she laughed.

"And I end up loosing a pot, the stuff simply made one large mass inside the pot I tried to make the Gold in," said Gargamel, "See for yourself."

Gargamel's mom walked inside and saw the Pyrite for herself, indeed it looked like Fool's Gold and it smelled like Sulfur. Probably from tapping it too much with the spoon or something, "Now what are you going to do Gargamel?" she asked.

"I don't know Mummy," answered Gargamel, "I'm basically screwed."

**THE END**


End file.
